R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
