someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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