just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
