he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
