New invention idea: vibrating tampons
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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