im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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