One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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