I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
