I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
