you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I think a kid would responsible me up
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
