its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
