im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Randomize
