my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
