Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I think your dad took our porno
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
