Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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