i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
My liver is preforming stress tests.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Randomize
