I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
