Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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