Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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