Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
