I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Randomize
