I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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