He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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