my text book just quoted the cookie monster
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
