I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
