whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
