is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Randomize
