how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
