We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
