do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
