I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
