just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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