How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
