Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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