I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
