Plan B is the new Plan A
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
