Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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