she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
