I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
