3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
