lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
