Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
