the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
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