I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
