My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
