He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Panties = found
Randomize
