walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
