I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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