I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
