Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I will die if light touches me.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Randomize
