You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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