Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
