Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
