You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Houston, we have a squirter
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
