i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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